Doorstep Revelations

When the older of the two ladies asked me “Are you the man of the house” I confess I answered rather suspiciously “I am he – why?”

I confess my suspicious nature derives from being sold some scallops by a mobile fishmonger a few years ago. They were very nice, but not really my cup of tea and expensive to boot.

Unsurprisingly it transpired that they were Jehovah’s Witnesses come to share their beliefs. Unlike many people, I quite like to engage in theological discussions on my doorstep. It seemed only polite to give these two members of our local community, the opportunity of discussing something of importance to them. For a while at least.

The older lady pressed on, whilst her younger ‘novice’ stood back, a knowing smile on her face. I suppose they could have been con women, with one keeping my attention, whilst the other cased the joint for alarms and cameras, but I didn’t think so.

“We are looking at the Book of Revelations at present”

“Well that’s just someone’s fantasy.” I interjected – perhaps rather crushingly. I then proceeded to explain my customised approach to faith and spirituality.

Spotting an opening she dived in “Oh you believe in God and Creation then?”

“Well” I answered cautiously, “I have been interested in the Environment for as long as I can remember”.

Now she was up to speed and started to discourse on her pet subject. However, my interest was starting to wane and the tomato plants were starting to weigh heavy in my arms. As I awaited an opportunity to close the discussion, my mind and eyes started to wander. You notice the strangest of things at these times. The younger ‘novice’ was wearing a light brown coat, but she appeared to have a large gravy stain on the front. All I could think about was how it got there. Perhaps it was the result of a doorstep altercation with one of my less accommodating neighbours. Whatever the reason, it indicated I should get back to my tomatoes.

So it was that I jumped in and excusing my rudeness, cited my wilting pot plants as the reason to move on. Inevitably the older lady smiled and asked if she could give me a leaflet. Having achieved this modest success, the two of them bid me good day and headed next door. It was only then that I noticed my trouser flies were at half-mast. Doubtless the smiling novice had been as observant about my state of undress as I had been about her gravy stain.

That day it seemed that the saintly John was not the only person to have experienced a Revelation.