The venomous snake that most cars avoid

It has been observable for many years on much of the High Street, Upper Lake and Lower Lake. However, the species is apparently extending its range, now found snaking its way up Calbec Hill, along North Trade Road and down Marley Lane. It even occupies the gutters of most of the minor roads of Battle. It is everywhere!

“How does it live, what does it feed on?” I hear you ask. Well, whilst pedestrians need have no fear of it, motorists beware. Not those who keep moving, since it is a relatively slow predator. In fact you can probably pull up next to one for a few minutes and suffer no ill effects. However, it will probably bite if you risk any longer than this! And its bite can be terrible indeed.

Until recently most people avoided the Twin Striped Parking Python, as it is commonly known, by leaving their car in one of the snake-free reserves to be found around the town. Of course entry to these comes at a price. Alternatively you can park beyond its range and walk into town.

Some clever folk have sought out havens of their own closer to the town centre. At least one shop-keeper I know has coughed up and joined English Heritage, so that he can keep his horseless carriage safely tethered in their snake-free coral all day long. Another acquaintance of mine has noticed a circadian rhythm operates on the High Street, where between 6.30pm and 7pm, serpent-free islands miraculously appear, giving him time to nip into the chippy for his chicken and mushroom pie with chips. I have my own special place, but I have no intention of sharing its whereabouts with anybody reading this.

Interestingly enough, I have noticed that a number of residents appear to have developed an immunity to the snake. For example one such person is now happy to leave their motorised friend parked on Mount Street all day and every day. Have they developed some kind of snake repellent, or has our predatory beast lost its venomous bite? Time will tell.

In the meantime, cars continue to herd through the town centre, fearing to pause for too long, vainly searching for a safe place to rest for an hour or two, because who knows when the creature will next strike and who will its victim be? You perhaps?