NO MORE SAGE PLEASE!: This week, I feel happy and satisfied, because I’ve bought my Christmas turkey and my ham. I saw this turkey, lurking in the freezer department, and I thought, “he’s the one for me [there was an instant bond] They called him extra large, and he was, a big fellow, but like all large ungainly things, there was a kind of vulnerability about him. I knew that I had to treat this turkey kindly. I used to buy a fresh turkey, but by the time I’ve stuffed him with an orange, 2 onions, sage, thyme, garlic cloves and bay leaves, he’ll be just fine, but I always get the feeling, as I’m ramming in maybe half a tangerine for good measure, that the turkey is saying “Lady please, it’s a cavity I have here not the Grand Canyon!”. The ham, I also love, and he also is going to have everything but the kitchen sink added to the pan. Both now are just frozen lumps in the freezer, and it’s my duty to give them some panache, to make them both the stars of the show, like the bride at a wedding. They are both so deserving!

GRANDAD MIND THE SIXPENCE: My aged granddad used to live with us, and every year at Christmas, he would appear clutching his Christmas stocking and cry. My mother would say “come on Pop, open your stocking, and he would say “I know what’s in it dear”, and cry some more. [it was heartbreaking] Now, having gathered some maturity, I would sit that man by a nice warm fire, hug him till he turned blue and pour him a brandy, but I was a child then and times were frugal. .Also-, I worried all through lunch that he would choke on his sixpence from the Christmas pudding. “How daft”, I used to think, you wouldn’t give a baby a lump of Christmas pudding with a sixpence hidden in it, so why give an old man that, someone with poor eyesight [he couldn’t see a thing], and dentures.[and someone already pre-disposed to choking], a piece of metal in his food. Thank goodness we don’t do that any more. I would have given him just custard.!

BINGO: The next Bingo session will be in Iden village hall on Thursday 27th November. Doors open at 2pm, eyes down at 2.30pm. Everyone from Iden and surrounding villages is welcome. It‘s great fun. We have a flier and a jackpot, as added attractions, and an afternoon tea costs only a pound. I would like to thank Carol Bourne and Janet Woods for bringing along food . Janet’s egg sandwiches are to die for, and so are Carol’s chocolate buns. Afterwards we all three gather around the sink in the village hall [like the Andrews Sisters!] There is something so ‘soapy’ and ‘communal’ about that sink.

THE SERVICE OF HOLY COMMUNION: There will be a service of Holy Communion in Iden Parish Church on Sunday 23rd November, at 9.30 am..

THE POP-IN: The Pop-in will be held in the village hall at 11am, on Monday 24th November. Everyone is welcome for coffee/tea and biscuits, a chat, and a chance to share news with other Iden folk.

COME ON ALL YOU THESPIANS!: Auditions for the Pantomime ‘Alibaba and The Forty Thieves’ will be held in the village hall at 2.30 pm, on 7th December. The actual performances are on 20th and 21st of March, but the rehearsals are great fun, and a lovely way to while away a winter afternoon with fellow thespians Don’t be shy, you’ll be amazing!

‘HOW TO LOVE WEEDS’: Today, ‘The Iden and Playden Garden Society’ are having a talk entitled ‘How To Love Weeds’ given by Mrs. Katherine Hall .The talk, will be held in the village hall, at 2.30pm . Loving weeds is a tall order for most of us, which makes this talk sound all the more intriguing. Members pay a pound, non-members, two pounds.

WHAT IS IT ABOUT THIS MAN?: Ordinarily, if told to expect a man in a red suit dropping down our chimney in the dead of night, we would be a little anxious to say the least------but no, down he comes in his great black [clodhopping] boots, depositing soot over our nice clean carpet, and proceeds to wander our bedrooms, willy nilly, without a by your leave, leaving gifts of goodness knows what, without any kind of C.R.B check. [they are very trusting in the North Pole!] He is extremely hirsute, I mean a beard is acceptable, but this man’s face is totally obliterated by whiskers, except for two very red cheeks and a red nose [is he the worse for drink, we ask ourselves!] ---and he is enormous, yet people are still forcing mince pies upon him at a rate of knots [ I would be more inclined to give him the carrot, and the mince pies to the reindeer. Do a bit of a swap], but I’m curious, he must have something about him, this man, that the other’s haven’t got, because all the housewives in the land are deliberating over whether he would like milk, or maybe a sherry., a mince pie or maybe, a ham sandwich [what!, he even gets to start on the Christmas ham] and Comet and Cupid and Prancer and Vixen and the rest of the gang, all wait patiently outside for a glimpse of him, like fans at a rock concert [and I must say, churning up our drive into the bargain]------.WELL, last year I popped downstairs at midnight[to check on the turkey], and I saw him., and let me tell you ladies and gentlemen, I take back all I said, because, standing there in his red suit, framed by the chimney breast, drinking out of his little ‘Milk For Santa’ cup ----HE WAS DROP-DEAD GORGEOUS! I rest my case!

CONTACT ME: If anyone has anything they wish to add to the village voice, please ring Gill Griffin [telephone 01797 280311], and I will gladly include it.

Gill Griffin

Belfield, Main Street