DON'T RING ME RICHARD BRANSON: This morning the moon lingered in the sky as we had breakfast. Wispy dreg-ends of it could still be seen though the sun was out. The sky is a real enigma isn't it, a law unto itself, a whole new ball game. It behaves as it wishes, but I don't want to be involved with it apart from viewing its antics from a distance. Even looking up at the stars makes me giddy, no matter how much I appreciate their beauty. I can't imagine walking on the moon, eating a dehydrated sandwich, while floating around in a space ship. Richard Branson may still hope for his 'Virgin'- trips into the abyss, but I'll stay down here and hold the coats. In truth I can get lost on the way to Croydon, so exploring space seems a step too far. I love it down here on earth, being able to watch the sky, but I don't actually want to become personally acquainted with it. Can you imagine being responsible for a spaceship, its bad enough checking the knobs on the cooker last thing at night. Some people are so clever and so brave, moving around weightless, catching a roast potato in mid-air, but it' ain't for me kid!'

Friday, 2nd November 2018, 5:00 am

FAMILY SERVICE: This Sunday in Iden Parish church is family service and Holy communion AT 9.30am, following which, teas and coffees will be served in the Old Hall.

IDEN’S SENIOR CHRISTMAS DINNER: The Senior Christmas dinner this year is on Saturday, 1st December, at 12.30, for 1pm in Iden village hall. Tickets are available at £10 per head. Please ring Teresa [telephone 280143] if you wish to attend.

IDEN PLAYERS: The meeting of Iden Players on 28th October went well, but the group are still looking for some more talent which they know is out there. Please you budding thespians, do get in touch with Teresa [telephone 01797 280143] if you have any queries. Join the group and have some fun. The next meeting is on the 9th December, at 2.30 pm, in Iden village hall.

THE IDEN AND DISTRICT NATURAL HISTORY SOCIETY: Next Friday 9th November is a lecture in the village hall, starting at 7.30 pm. All are welcome, visitors pay £3. The standard of lectures is very high.

A BIT OF BING: This week I’m going Christmas shopping. Well, time is marching on. I’m already stock-piling the Pringles and the Quality Street.

Buying Christmas gifts requires delving into a recipient’s psyche, getting just the right thing for each person. It’s exhausting. Last year I delivered a size 22 blouse to a friend who had been on the Atkins diet- She was as thin as a broom handle! What do you buy a man on a limited budget besides socks, and have you ever tested so many perfumes to buy for a friend that you smell like a lap-dancing club? We have a relative who gets all our names wrong, leaves people out and doesn’t use Sellotape [she’s lovely] Her presents can be quite wounding if they fall on your foot. It’s best to start early, no one wants to be wrapping at midnight on Christmas Eve. There is something joyful about wandering the aisles to the sound of Bing Crosby or Perry Como, or maybe a bit of Nat King Cole

CONTACT ME: If anyone has anything to add to the Village Voice, please ring Gill Griffin [telephone 01797 280311]